Erik fights for the right to date Lara


From: Rebecca Ashmead []
Sent: Saturday, January 10, 2009 9:30 PM
To: Daniel Leach; Suzy Work Ross; Judy Koler; Tom Ross
Cc: LARA KOLER; Teri – Danger Den; Karin Leach; DENNIS LEACH; Erik Hurley;; Ryan Winger; Emily Carol Ann Fischer
Subject: RE: Paperwork

Has anyone seen the keys to the chastity belts????  Did we forget to mention those???  Sorry, guys.  They seem to have been misplaced… still looking!!!! 

Subject: RE: Paperwork
Date: Thu, 8 Jan 2009 16:14:47 -0800

Oh, and as my sister says, “he has a FU on his chin!!!”


Dan Leach

From: Daniel Leach []
Sent: Thursday, January 08, 2009 4:13 PM
To: ‘Ross, Suzy’; ‘Rebecca Ashmead’; ‘Judy Koler’; ‘’
Cc: ‘LARA KOLER’; ‘Teri – Danger Den’; ‘Karin Leach’; ‘DENNIS LEACH’; ‘’; ‘’; ‘Ryan Winger’; ‘Emily Carol Ann Fischer’
Subject: RE: Paperwork

…..everyone keep real quiet….no sudden noises.

There, she’s asleep again. You know, who would think the “Oldsheimers” would hit her like this. Happens all too often these days. Sigh. I’m starting to go through brochures for a home to stash her in. The pictures look very nice, very clean….but without the Pine sol® smell.  And oh look, this one has a nice rocking chair gymnasium where she can get some exercise.

As for the issue hand, the applicant….what’s his name? Oh I forget. And I’m with Dennis, why bother to scroll down to find it.  I mean, he might not last. In any case, we’re still waiting on the official “Mother’s Report” from Judy.  And it clearly states in the MAA (Remember, that stands for Membership Application Appendix) of MacBean Family© Code of Conduct v.12, 2003 edition that, “….no junior member of the MacBean Family shall formally submit an application on behalf of any potential boyfriend or girlfriend until the said applicant’s mother, or other senior female member of the family in good standing who is providing services as surrogate mother or senior female role model, has completed the Comprehensive Report on Estrogenator Effectiveness and Potential. (This is the formal name for the report commonly called the “Mother’s Report”, though most of the men actually call it the CREEP report).”

Until we see that, Lara can’t even think about filling out his paper work. She needs to respond to any issues that might show up in the CREEP report.

Issues such as…maybe…this:


Yes, that’s our boy Erik (oh hey, I remembered his name) there in the red sarong and blue hat (careful what you post on Facebook and MySpace people, it’s all evidence as far as I’m concerned). While he didn’t go off the deep end like his buddy there with a cowboy hat at a cape (nice combo!), he still has a few “fashion” issues he needs to explain.

What’s more, and I want to be clear I’m not jumping to any conclusions here, I did see what I would say was pretty substantial prima facie evidence of a violation of the Code of Conduct rules against pre-BF status fraternization and snuggly bunnying.  And I would never make such a charge without documentation:


So, I’m thinking the jury is still out here.


Dan Leach

From: Emily C Fischer, ARNP []
Sent: Thursday, January 08, 2009 2:43 PM
Subject: Re: Paperwork

Dan! A "bleeding heart liberal"??! Since when??

Now dear ones, you must understand that because certain people think that their attempted coup d’etat to overthrow my reigning position was successful, they are quite mistaken. Don’t listen to those rebels, Lara/Eric. They can’t throw me off the counsel. They may fall back on the by-laws or in-laws or outlaws, but I have the real seal. You’ll see.

So when is this counsel meeting? BD and I look forward to meeting Eric. There’s nothing like having romance and madly-in-love to make us all smile. Reminds me of when I fell madly-in-love w/ Wayne….I still "fancy" him.



From: Ross, Suzy []
Sent: Monday, December 29, 2008 3:58 PM
To: Rebecca Ashmead; Judy Koler;
Cc: LARA KOLER; Teri – Danger Den; Daniel Leach; Karin Leach; DENNIS LEACH;;; Ryan Winger; Emily Carol Ann Fischer
Subject: RE: Paperwork

Here is Suzy from Halo House at the Yoncalla Compound speaking:  Sayeth I, holding decisions on said applicant pending outcome of New Year’s Eve party, where applicant may be tempted to roll down behavioral governors after imbibement of alcoholic beverages.  Advice to applicant:  eat.  Regularly.  Eyes will be watching… Also, note to applicant:  As long as you treat our beloved Lara in a loving, caring and respectful way, I’m sure the council will look on you kindly.  At least Aunt Suzella will…

From: Rebecca Ashmead []
Sent: Monday, December 29, 2008 3:27 AM
To: Judy Koler; Ross, Suzy;;
Cc: LARA KOLER; Teri – Danger Den; Daniel Leach; Karin Leach; DENNIS LEACH;;; Ryan Winger; Emily Carol Ann Fischer
Subject: RE: Paperwork

Now, Dennisy… there you go. Ranting again.   That’s why we are such an effective council!!!!  We keep 1 bleeding heart liberal (Daniel) 1 right wing/knee jerk conservative (you) and 1 centrist/willing to consider all sides (me, of course) on the council at all times.   And yes, I know that Momily was ousted, but be kind, dear.  She doesn’t realize it yet.  "Old timers" does that to you.
     About that "living in sin" that Daniel and Karin have been indulging in all these years… the priest wouldn’t let them elaborate on that at the ceremony.  Inquiring minds want to know. 
  Love, R. 

Date: Mon, 29 Dec 2008 00:07:45 -0800
Subject: Fwd: Paperwork

Aunt Suzy & Uncle Tom,

I thought you would like to be informed of the recent correspondance amongst the Family Council regarding Lara and her new boy "interest", Erik Hurley.  In accordance with the ByLaws, all Aunts and Uncles have the opportunity, nay, RESPONSIBILITY to provide input pertaining to this matter.  Please feel free to comment at will.



———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Dennis Leach <>
Date: Sun, Dec 28, 2008 at 8:57 PM
Subject: RE: Paperwork
To: Rebecca Ashmead <>, Judy Koler <>, LARA KOLER <>
Cc: Teri – Danger Den <>, Daniel Leach <>, Karin Leach <>, DENNIS LEACH <>,,,

Oh, let’s get real! You are all a bunch of soft bleeding heart liberals. Sometimes I think we are letting the children run amuck. Perhaps it’s time to go back to the old traditions, you know, arranged marriages and all that stuff!
  And Becky you know that wasn’t a real seal! The CODE  calls for a real seal! It was a fake I tell you! She had to go hunting to get one, (you know she doesn’t hunt) or borrow one from the Navy. One more point on that, you know mom can’t give any approvals anyway. You yourself started the process to have her thrown off the family council. 
Now all that being said, yes, Ryan get’s a pass. And not because he had the guts to apply in person to the family council, or not because he’s serving our country(Lara herself is doing that). It’s because he’s an EOMFD and he plays with bombs and he knows how to use them!
I second Becky’s motion to call an emergency family council session at the earliest possible time. And if any of the children have any applicants to submit, they had better have all the paperwork, and I mean all the paperwork filled out in triplicate. And we better have the paperwork in our hands a week before the meeting so we can be fully prepared for discussing it at the meeting.
Judy, we will be waiting to hear your initial impressions of THE APPLICANT(I couldn’t be bothered to scroll down to find his name until Judy gave her initial approval).
Uncle Dennis

From: Rebecca Ashmead []
Sent: Sunday, December 28, 2008 7:27 PM
To: Judy Koler; LARA KOLER
Cc: Teri – Danger Den; Daniel Leach; Karin Leach; DENNIS LEACH; Dennis Leach;;;
Subject: RE: Paperwork

oooohhhh, Lara invoked the "Amazing" appellation!!!!  Now where have I heard this before???? Oh, yes.  Sarah.  Her Ryan is "amazing".  We definitely need to get together, Council!!!!!  The earliest PLANNED gathering is the Galena Conclave in July, but there may be an earlier opportunity!!!  Since we don’t seem able to travel to Seattle during the holidays, Jeffrey and I will be "gifting" eachother with plane tickets to meet our new grandson in January.  Check your calendars……. 
"Membership Applications Appendix of the MacBean Family© Code of Conduct v.12, 2003 edition" clearly states that persons exhibiting exemplary character (or perhaps was it that they ARE exemplary characters of monumental proportions!!!  I need to find my copy of the appendix… oh no, I mean I need to find my reading glasses so I can clearly read the fine print) will be given the earliest opportunity to present their AMAZING credentials to the Council Members. 
     Ryan was given the "seal of approval" by Gramily, and the approved stamp last November for his Application to Date a MacBean family member.  (Erik may want to contact Ryan to ask for an example of an appropriately filled out application) He still has yet to put forward the "Permanent Partnership Papers", but given that he has been in Afghanistan lately, will be given an extension on the allowable time deadline for said papers.
     Judy raises a legitimate grievance against her daughter, Lara,  and the "young man of interest", Erik…   Judy dear, if you don’t mind filling that out in triplicate we can expedite the papers through, unless of course, Erik and Lara are able to provide that promised meeting ASAP!!!!  We look forward to hearing about the visit, with the pictures of said event attached, of course!!!
Love to you all!!!!!!  Happy New Year, although it’d be much happier if we were all together!!!   Rebecca

Date: Sun, 28 Dec 2008 16:35:18 -0800
Subject: Re: Paperwork

Well now!  All this going on and I have been out of circulation at the Yoncalla Compound. 

I am heartened that members of the Venerable Family Council have taken the initiative to inform my daughter, Lara, and new boy "interest," Erik, of their responsiblities in the introduction of said boy "interest" and required permission acquisition for any future contact ‘tween the two from the Honorable Council. 

I am, however, disappointed that I was not one of the first to meet said boy "interest".  If I am not mistaken, does not the Family Code of Conduct provide for the Mother’s perogative to be the first to be introduced and provided the opportunity to form a judgement in these matters?  I’m certain that is my right and this has obviously not occurred in this case.  I am not sure what action I will take to remedy this oversight, but hold in reservation my right to take action at some future time.

I look forward to meeting Mr. Erik Hurley, reading his application, and evaluating his worthiness to occupy time and space with my loving and precious daughter, Lara.  Perhaps I will have the opportunity for a first "impression" over New Year’s.  Some time spent with the Mother at New Year’s would certainly prove to be a most prudent decision and would go a long way to creating the positive response desired from those involved.

Thanks again for the work of the Council.  It is comforting to know there is no slacking off of duty when it comes to the affairs of the heart!  …even over the holidays 😉

Happy Holidays and Love To All!!!


On Sat, Dec 27, 2008 at 7:33 AM, Koler Lara SSGT WADS/DOCE <> wrote:

Most Honorable and Venerable Family Council-
I humbly and earnestly apologize for the tardiness of Erik’s application. We wanted to complete the paperwork prior to the holidays, however with the severe weather and general craziness of this time of year this was unable to happen. The paperwork is in progress and shall be submitted shortly.
Is there a link to where one might find the "Membership Applications Appendix of the MacBean Family© Code of Conduct v.12, 2003 edition"? With the original MacBean site now defunct I am at a loss to find anything. L Or sending it as an attachment would be much appreciated as accessing the Family websites from Government computers is a mite difficult (blame it on the Chinese hackers).
While the application shall be submitted soon, I have included some information to assuage the current want of information:
Name: Erik Hurley
Age: 26
Occupation: Civilian contractor for the Government, Prior Air Force (same career field I am in).
Fun Facts: He’s been based in Japan, Iceland and Germany. He plays soccer (and is really flippin’ good!). He enjoys the theater (we’ve been to two plays together). He is very family oriented. He has no kids, but definitely wants a family. He never lets a day go by with out telling me how wonderful I am, how beautiful I am, how amazing I am, etc. He spoils me. He is very eager to meet all of you. And he’s absolutely amazing J Oh and when Mom brought up the idea that we should go down to Oregon for New Years, he "put down his proverbial foot" and told me we were going down because he knows how much I missed my mommy at Christmas J
More details are forthcoming in the formal application. Once again I humbly apologize for the delay. I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and have a wonderfully happy New Year.
Reverently yours,
Lara Kalísta

From: Teri – Danger Den []
Sent: Friday, December 26, 2008 10:14 PM
To: ‘Rebecca Ashmead’; ‘Daniel Leach’; Koler Lara SSGT WADS/DOCE
Cc: ‘Karin Leach’;;; ‘Dennis Leach’
Subject: RE: Paperwork

Dear Lara,
From what I understand from your emails with Uncle Dan, there is this "situation" that is not covered by the MacBean Family© Code of Conduct by-laws so you have an "out" of doing the application?  What is this new "situation"?  Uncle Dennis is in Corvallis this weekend with Brady for a OSU baseball camp.that laptop of his is never very far from him, so I’m sure he will get his two cents worth in here too. 
We hope everyone had a great Christmas despite the snowy weather.  We made it to my brothers in Astoria on Christmas eve, but we were surprise to the new 4" of snow we received Christmas morning.  Uncle Dennis woke up early with the flu, so he stayed home as the rest of us went over to my parents for Christmas dinner.  So many of my family members couldn’t make it and Mom had all this food so we asked a few of our neighbors that were home alone too to come over and join us.  It turned out great and we had a good time.
So much was going on with us this fall.  It was great for Brady that Uncle Dan, Uncle Jeff, Christian and Grandpa BD got to watch Brady’s Championship football game.  We are finally not "living" football anymore but we have great memories.
Take care, love,
Aunt Teri
P.S. Dennis is still having a hard time with your Uncle Dan and Aunt Karin living in "sin" for so, so many years..before really getting hitched!  I think he is looking into the matter with the MacBean Family Code of Conduct to see if there were rules broken and if they were required to fill out their application before they got remarried in November..

From: Rebecca Ashmead []
Sent: Friday, December 26, 2008 6:31 PM
To: Daniel Leach;
Cc: Karin Leach;;; Dennis Leach; Teri – Danger Den
Subject: RE: Paperwork

NOW I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS.  WHO IS THIS MAN.  I WANT THE REFERENCES IMMEDIATELY!!!!!  He must not be in the military, he has a "fu" on his chin!!!  unless he is on leave.   Is he worthy??? We are very particular.  Lara is too precious to just casually bestow upon some unknown.  NEED INFO ASAP.

Subject: RE: Paperwork
Date: Fri, 26 Dec 2008 10:25:27 -0800

Lara, Lara, Lara,
You have learned so much.and yet have so much more to learn in order to fully comprehend the rules governing the conduct of our family business. 😉
If you will remember back many years there was a reference in a posting to the family website about  the "Membership Applications Appendix of the MacBean Family© Code of Conduct v.12, 2003 edition". 
I suggest that you consult this appendix as it will contain all of the information you need to complete all required paperwork. It also contains has a section that details when, where, and how to submit all applications, supporting evidence and required documentation.
I’m sure you’ll agree after reading it that the MacBean Family© Code of Conduct v.12, 2003 edition is a comprehensive guide that really does cover any situation that could come up.  If you find some new situation that you "think" is not covered in the guidebook (and I’m not really sure that’s’s really pretty comprehensive) you will find that we even thought of that.  If you turn to the last page in the book, past the index, the footnotes, the recipe section and the map section, you’ll find a several sheets titled, "Things we didn’t think of."  They are pre-perforated, so you can just tear one out. Fill in the alleged "new" situation, and send it off to the nearest member of the MacBean Family Council.
Your loving Uncle,

Error! Filename not specified.
Dan Leach

Sent: Friday, December 26, 2008 8:10 AM
To: Daniel Leach
Subject: RE:

What would be the best way to submit our paperwork? Is it best to submit it when the council is all together? And when might that be?

E-Flight Weapons Asst. NCOIC
Western Air Defense Sector
DSN 382-4313 / COM 253-982-4313

From: Daniel Leach []
Sent: Friday, December 26, 2008 7:55 AM
Subject: RE:

I did post some pics of you both, and mailed them to your mother. 😉
And yes, Lynn got home last evening about 6:30pm and we had a nice dinner at the house.  Wish you and Eric could have been there.

Dan Leach

Sent: Friday, December 26, 2008 7:06 AM
To: Daniel Leach
Subject: RE:

Woohoo!!! Did you post the pics (or have the pics) of me and Erik? I take it Lynn got home ok?

E-Flight Weapons Asst. NCOIC
Western Air Defense Sector
DSN 382-4313 / COM 253-982-4313

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